There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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