A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
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Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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