you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
