A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
