people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
