I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
