he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
