My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
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went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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