I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
