We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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