Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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