Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
