She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
