elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
