Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize