I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
