I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Someone shit on the floor
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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