umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
