There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
