i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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