I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
