well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
