This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The ass gains better be worth it
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