i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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