My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
