I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
