Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
