Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
