Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
