this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize