booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we should paint friendship bongs
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