she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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