A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
