I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
