So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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