what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
