two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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