We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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