she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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