I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
