Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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