So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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