How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
