I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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