Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
