am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
