We won't sleep together?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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