I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize