I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize