How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
