and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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