dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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