Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
