Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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