How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
