I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He passed out mid-signature
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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