My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
