We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
