i will never coherently bang her
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
