so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
