By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
