i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
