Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
