the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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