I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
