Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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