I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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